This is kinda random I suppose, it's a short story I told via AIM at 4 a.m. to a friend who could not sleep. It began, as all great stories do, with absolutely no direction or concept and quickly evolved into the single most important piece of Richmond, Virginia fiction ever written.
Friend: how's it goin?
Me: good, how are you?
Friend: tell me a story?
Me: Once apon a time, there was a young princess and she lived in a small castle in the
Friend: ooh okay i like this oen
Me: Where her cranky father, the king, was in control of the entire economy
Me: he made the peasants mine for a LEGENDary lager in the soil
Friend: hahah
Me: The peasants where treated poorly and dissent brewed amongst them
Me: One day the princess went for a walk through the forest with her pet goliath frog, Hercules
Friend: mmhm
Me: while she was walking she had the odd sensation of being watched, but when she set her mind to something she would not be deterred and she had she her sights on trekking to the village of 7-11burg to see her boyfriend and buy some booze
Me: she was a wino, like her mother before her
Friend: but she was being watched?
Me: yes she was
Me: by a young Socialist revolutionary
Friend: ahh
Friend: so I see
Me: who was, with his band of merry, slightly toasted but very functional friends, brewing a brew of there own, the Peoples socialist Brew of
Friend: ahhh
Me: now he waited for the princess to get to 7-11burg and get crunked and when it began to get dark she decided to return to the castle before her cantankerous father realized she was missing
Friend: ah yes
Friend: daddy dearest
Me: she was bummed because her boyfriend had not been home
Me: so anywho, the socialist kidnapped her in the forest at dusk and took her to the hidden microbrewery
Friend: uh huh
Me: where the band of merry, slightly toasted but very functional socialist introduced themselves through drunken irish song but their leader wore his mask and did not speak
Friend: creepy fellow
Me: as night fell everyone in the pub dozed off and the princess was left to contemplate her fate. she tried to wear through the ropes that held her, but soon her wrist became raw and bled
Friend: uhoh
Me: a voice said, "Please, resist no more." she saw the leader in the doorway. "you will be released to your father if he releases the poor and allows them to brew their own beer and have free trade. But if he stays greedy we will make you take a PBR beer bong and brainwash you"
Friend: haha
Me: she knew immediately that her stubborn father would never give in and began to cry but the Socialist poured her a glass of wine and drew close
Me: he tried to consol her and they kissed and he seemed oddly familiar
Friend: hmm
Me: he caught her gaze and knew immediately that he must reveal his identity. He removed his mask and she saw that it was her boyfriend from 7-11burg
Friend: tricky
Me: He released her and they talked for hours and realized that they must run because her father would kill them for loving each other and the socialists would too
Me: running would mark them for death for life though.
Friend: but they have to run
Me: So they snuck to the castle where all the Legend was kept and they blocked the pressure valves in the brewery with beer-pong balls that the Socialist kept in his sweeetass messenger bag
Friend: hah
Me: and then they ran
Me: far
Me: cause we know this can't end well
Me: The castle exploded in a mushroom cloud of lager
Friend: nooo lager
Friend: must be consumed
Me: swweeping the land in a tidal wave
Me: the princess and the socialist watched from the mountains as richmondstien was washed away and covered in an ocean of lager for many years
Me: and her father, the king, even washed up on shore one day
Me: drunker and happier
Me: and everyone lived happily ever after.
Me: The End
Friend: yaaay
Friend: and .. applause!
Friend: very good story
Me: thank you, i don't think i had any better in me right now
Friend: oh no it hit the spot for a story
Me: so now you can fall asleep happy?
Me: i know i will
Friend: definitely
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